My story

My second baby, Daphne Josephine, was born here in this room where I am creating this website. It is a life experience I will treasure for always. I am fortunate that both of my births felt triumphant and left me feeling more confident in my abilities than before I entered the veil. I am fortunate.

I loved midwifery care. I loved the family centered care we received and the involvement of my older daughter in the pregnancy and birth of my second. My midwives were kind and knowledgeable and empowering. They were supportive when I sought co-care from Columbus Public Health to perform some of the basic pregnancy tests, such as Gestational Diabetes and GBS testing. The CNMs at Columbus Public Health went above and beyond to provide me with the additional testing because that is what made ME feel safe. They categorized me as a clinic patient so that I could also get the anatomy scan – the only full ultrasound I would have during pregnancy. {I did go on to have a short US around my due date to confirm baby’s positioning at a boutique Ultrasound tech. But this was short and by no means extensive.} I was included and at the helm of all my health decisions. I’m eternally grateful to ALL the midwives that helped during my care.

{Edited to add: securing co-care from a physician was not as easy 5.5 years ago. Our community has made some headway in this. And to further complicate things, my family did not have health insurance for the entirety of my pregnancy. So I was BEYOND fortunate that the CNMs at Columbus Public Health were willing to work with me. The OB that oversees the clinic at CPH did not want to agree to run my lab work. But the CNMs at the clinic went to bat for me and advocated to provide me care. And they made a promise to be available to me if I felt I needed a 6w visit after my successful homebirth. I am forever grateful that they made it easy for me to get co-care.}

The end of my pregnancy was a little different. I didn’t have exact date information for my LMP or conception dates because I hadn’t been charting. To be honest, I wasn’t trying to become pregnant. So we worked with some rough dates to come up with an earliest possible 37w date and my midwives said “as long as baby comes after June 21st, we’re fine for a homebirth.” This was a comfortable plan for me as years in birthwork makes me trust a birth window and not a due date. Others around me weren’t so comfortable with the concept of not having a due date. I fielded many questions and some downright internet badgering about WHEN IS YOUR BABY DUE? The answer “sometime in July” wasn’t good enough for most.

This also became more mentally uncomfortable when I got to those final days. I sat thinking about the possibility that I could have several more weeks of pregnancy before me. I settled into some more mental patience but bumped up my physical proactivity.

I set to walking.

On July 21st, the day the boutique US predicted as my due date based on baby’s growth, I woke up feeling crampy. I took Darla to the pool for the day and let the early labor waves come while we were in the pool. We eventually left because they were increasing and I surprised a mom friend by saying “we have to go home, I might be in labor!”

We got home and I told Mike that I thought the baby was coming that night. He put on a Bob Segar record. I seethed upstairs at the inconsiderate idea that any woman in labor would want to listen to Bob Segar. And that’s when I knew this was probably actually going to happen. BECAUSE I LIKE BOB SEGAR. And if I was cranky about hearing Segar then something was up.

Even though we had prepared for my older daughter to be part of the birth, something in me needed her to be settled in bed before I could fully release into birth. We did our last normal bedtime routine, and once I heard her breathing slow I got up and started making my birth bed. By the time I tucked in the last corner, I could feel myself tip over into hard rushes. It was 10:30pm and I was in labor.

I retreated to the bathroom where I stayed for most of the labor. I started on the toilet because it was the only thing that felt good. Then I moved into the shower. I remember rhythmically pounding on my shower wall during each contraction. I instinctively put my leg up on the tub ledge and held onto the shower rod above me for grounding while I beat out my birth rhythm. All the while, I was texting my midwives that I wasn’t sure it was going to continue. I was really self conscious of having a false alarm bc my first birth had been augmented with Pitocin. I didn’t have any idea what a birth that starts spontaneously would feel like for me. And a birth that starts spontaneously is much less intense than the birth waves I experienced on Pitocin. I just wasn’t sure. My husband came in to try to talk to me about putting up the birth pool and calling the midwives. I said “yeah, I just am not sure that this is the real thing” and he said “you haven’t come out of the bathroom in an hour, you’re in labor.” And in some sick comedic timing, right as he said that I felt a big gush of bloody mucus release and fall to the shower floor. I looked up and told him to call the midwives and tell them I was in heavy active labor.

Everything after that was a blur. I remember making it back to my bedroom. I remember laying down on the bed and just holding on to my husband’s hand while I surged. He was my grounding spot in both of my labors. He delicately balanced setting up the tub and returning to me for my contractions. We also called my doula, Jenna. Both the midwives and doula arrived shortly after midnight. I remember Jess and Alison settling into our space with expert stealth even though it was a cramped 2nd story bedroom, on a very sweaty night in July – made even crampier and sweatier by the birth tub. They gently monitored me with the doppler and responded with patience and understanding when I complained about it while it was happening.

I know I was checked and found complete. They told me I could do whatever I needed for pushing, they would work around me. So, remember that tub my husband worked on? I got into that tub for exactly 2 contractions and said NOPE, I am getting out. I know I got out and laid down on the bed and had a big surge then and my water broke. I saw the light meconium staining on the towel but I remember not being worried in the slightest at that moment. The midwives reassured me that everyone would just keep close eye on baby but that this was a variation of normal. I also want to say that when I was in my primal brain, I felt very closed in by so many people around me and our crowded space. I know that I was given incredible respect in our small space and my rational brain was fighting this thought from my firsthand experience with women in the birth space. But it is funny what our primal brain tells us in that moment. I call it a Tiger Mama when I see it in birth.

I know that I climbed around a lot for pushing. Pushing was actually harder for me with my 2nd baby. I think I also might have started pushing before I actually had the urge because I was trying so hard to be done. Things felt much different when I found my perfect position and finally felt the real urge. I had to turn away from everyone and close my eyes to utilize the Tiger Mama feeling I was having and focus and myself and my baby. I was squatting on my bed and holding on to the railing of our headboard. I don’t remember much except for my midwife helping my husband to catch our daughter. It was just after 2:30am – 4 hours after I felt the turn of real labor. I remember my midwife’s voice telling me to grab my baby from my husband’s hands. I did. I brought her to my chest. And then I don’t remember much for a good bit. My mind went sailing but I can still remember the feeling of my body and hers together but on the otherside now.

The next few hours were spent bonding and being cared for by my wonderful team. Food was brought to me. I was looked over. Herbs were boiled for an herb bath. I held my baby and we nursed. I laughed with people as baby examinations took place. My midwives eventually went home but Jenna stayed. It was sometime after 5am and Daphne Josephine finally let out her first prolonged, loud stereotypical newborn cries. And then I heard an excited jump and feet hitting the floor down the hall. Then and the most magical moment of my life took place.

The door of my room flew open. Darla Marie ran in with a hazy, curly, golden glow and looked around the room. She must have derobed during the night when the house got so hot from the birth tub because she was completely naked and her hair was wildly curly from the humidity. And Daphne and I were naked. So the three of us were there in the buff having our first introductions as nature intended. Cue tears every. damn. time. I remember it. {Mike was in the shower at that moment, also in the buff so technically my household was just having a big naked party.}

It was my ultimate life experience. I truly wish for this type of birth for all women who want it to be so. I was cared for so expertly by so many women through that pregnancy and birth. But mostly, I was loved. I was cared for on a personal level. And so were my family. My heart will forever and always love everyone who was there that day. It’s a biological reality that I cannot and would not change.

I want more births where we all fall in love. That’s what the purpose is after all.

Thank you for sharing in my story. I hope you found wisdom and courage here.